The Whatnot.

Yeah seriously.  I’m pretty tired I’ll talk later.

Link

Inaugural episode! Jokes about work and school and dogs and very few punchlines.

I changed the name of the podcast because of something that someone said last night.  I honestly don’t know if any of this is funny or not, so any feedback is welcome.  Tell me if there’s some kind of hope for this to even be worthwhile to anyone, or tell me that I am fucking lame and you hate me.  email:  mike@smallcave.net

Music Credits (this all comes from the Podshow Podsafe Music Network):

• Jonathan Coulton - “I Hate California” - Jonathan Coulton wrote the song at the end of Portal and at the beginning of that sprite show on G4 that no one watches.  On top of that he’s a brilliant songwriter and his stuff reminds me of Barenaked Ladies sometimes.  Buy his music.
• Sasha Ponkratov - Whiskey Drinkin’ Mouse - Sounded good at the time.
• A Breath of Fresh Air - This Road I Travel - One of the most inspiring Christian Classic Rock songs you will likely hear this week.  You’ll want to click this.

Small Minded Podcast Episode 0

This is not actually an episode of the podcast. It’s a test of the tech. Here is a description of what this actually is, if not an episode of a podcast:

Has it been several weeks since you’ve had the opportunity to to fully appreciate the warm prose of master storyteller Victor Hugo? Download this test podcast straight away and thank me later!

I am using Audacity and the USB microphone that came with Rock Band to record and Odeo.com to publish.

To try to subscribe to the RSS feed use this link in any podcatcher program if you have one. The Odeo page has a bunch of other ways to subscribe including iTunes.

I wonder how fast the rss feed takes to update.

This is just one of those posts where I just need to get in the habit of the motions of typing because I haven’t done it in a while.  Right now I am typing on my laptop in the comfort of Windows XP.  MS is coming out with a final release of Vista SP1 so there may be hope there.  My TV is connected to my desktop PC via VGA and is currently playing music off of the streaming site thesixtyone.com, which is a digg-like community dedicated to discovering new music.  On the screen I have the SNL Digital Short with Natale Portman in HD looping with sound muted.  I have decided that this is preferable to any visualization I can install.  Instant hilarious music video.

I’ve seen so many movies lately.  It’s been ridiculous.  I am currently attempting to get a group together to see There Will Be Blood at the Arclight Hollywood.  Preferably at a 21+ screening.

I was going to write more.  I’ll try to remember it later.

Installed Gutsy on the laptop a week or so ago and I have to say that it has come a hell of a long way since we last met.  When I installed Warty back in 04, it was the best Linux experience I had ever had, which is to say that I contemplated switching for a day before running back to the safety of Windows.  Gutsy is much, much better.  The UI, the “it just works” feel to some of it, everything.  That was not a sentence.  I should mess with it, but I won’t.

I love to tinker with things.  For a day.  After that, I am an end user through and through.  So, Linux is something that appeals to me for a day every so often, because I love the idea of it.  Free and Open Source.  That’s the dream, man.  But you can have FOSS on Windows, so I think I am going to enjoy my moral superiority from a platform that has a Wireless Networking manager that doesn’t pop up a message every half hour asking me for a password that I haven’t set, and the only fix is to compile and configure a couple packages that I don’t know how to do that, and furthermore I don’t want to have to learn how to do that.  I sound like such a douche to myself, but that’s how that is for me.

I’m actually coming off of Vista right now, which probably accounts for my delay in switching back to an MS product.  I defended that product for so dang long, buddy, but I just can’t anymore.  Especially since my laptop doesn’t support Aero.   Whatever.  I’ll be glad to be back on XP tonight or tomorrow.

That is what I have to say about that subject.  More subjects in another three months.

I hope the biggest regret you’ll ever have to deal with is not selling your textbooks back, thinking you’d ever read out of them again.

I just don’t know what the heck. I started more school this week and I am typing this because I am already procrastinating.

Deja Vu (2006)

Well, when I finally figured out what this movie was about (about a half hour into it), I had decided what my final verdict on the whole thing would be.  Interesting premise, but there was no way that it could ever back it up with a quality ending without completely fucking it up in the continuity department. 

“Continuity” is such an ugly word.  Reminds me too much of comic book reading tight-sniffers who can’t help but complain that Donna Troy was wearing a different brand of deodorant at the beginning of issue 53 than she was at the end of issue 68, which directly ties into issue 200 of another series that is running parallel in preparation for a 300-part crossover kicking off at the end of October with the death of a “major” character.  So, let’s just say that I was concerned that the movie would fuck with the premise in order to create a satisfying ending for the movie-going public who couldn’t stomach the inevitability of the ending.  I believed this all the way through the movie.  I believed it through the awesome Sci-Fi CSI scenes, and through what I can only consider the most original (gimmicky?) car chase I’ve ever seen in a film.  I believed it all the way until about fifteen minutes after I finished it when it hit me that the ending had worked for the premise after all.  Holy shit it worked!

Mostly.  There are still a few lagging things about the ending that I would have changed.  Or rather, set them up better in the body of the movie.  Like, since they were following that chick around they could have had a scene where she would have said something that made it likely for her to immediately understand (in some small way) what had happened, instead of flipping the fuck out and going insane, which would have been the natural reaction.  Also there are obviously some issues with time.  Big ones that don’t make sense if you’re paying real close attention.  But, really, the errors are not as gaping as I was expecting.  And why did those government guys let Denzel fuck around so much?  What the fuck, man.

Anyway, this movie was cool. 

Sicko (2007)

I was really moved by this.  There were some parts that were kind of shady, but everyone knows the American health care system is fucked.  Everyone knows someone or has a relative who has ridiculous medical expenses and has to fight a faceless company tooth and nail to get the help that they need in order to fucking live.  There were multiple sequences where I just wanted to commit murder.  I mean, literally end the lives of some suit wearing motherfuckers.  I got really, really angry.  My mom has M.S. and it’s a fucking pain in the ass to deal with these fucks.  I’m not going to go into specifics, but it’s not uncommon for her to spend an entire day arguing with insurance companies about how she’s covered and where exactly her medicine is and how it can get to her.  It’s fucked.  It’s obvious that this system is fucked and that it was designed to be fucked.  Incidentally I wonder if costofwar.com saw a spike in traffic when this movie was released.  Seriously, fuck this.

The parts about the health care in other countries made me rolleyes, however.  Just how Moore kept asking questions he knew the answers to. 

Transformers (2007)

The special effects were extremely complicated.  I know they were hyperrealistic in terms of how giant transforming robots would actually look and move, but it looked kind of lame.  It ran about an hour too long.  I was really bored by the time the good part started.  Shia LeBeouf was okay but he should stop being in action/suspense movies and start making comedies like he was obviously meant to do.  Or he could do a live action version of The Iron Giant starring Optimus Prime and him.  That way they could make a movie about his problems and about hiding a giant robot from his parents and it wouldn’t be so fucking annoying because I wouldn’t be hoping he’d die and I’d actually get to see some robots shoot each other.  Megan Fox should stop making movies and star in porn films instead.

Hi.  I had a lot of hours this week.  It was kind of ridiculous.  It’s okay, though, because I survived and now I am STRONGER OH YES.  My reward is two days off and a light schedule next week.  I close four days out of the five I work, but it’s mostly short shifts. 

I am currently three episodes away from finishing The Prisoner, and I have to say that it has been a wild ride.  Despite the obvious filler episodes of wildly disparate quality (episode inexplicably set in the wild west with a tacked-on explanation!), they were surprisingly able to keep fresh and interesting ideas for the entire run.  After I’m done, I’ll be checking out Nowhere Man, which aired about ten years ago for one season, but is a favorite among nerds. 

Tomorrow, I am probably going to catch a noontime matinee of Sicko by myself, and Erik and I are going to hit the midnight showing of Transformers to see if anyone dresses as robots.  Why do I have to do both in one day?  Because fuck it.

Windows Live Writer saves drafts like every minute AND every paragraph probably. 

Blankets by Craig Thompson is amazing.  If you cry over shit easilly, you will cry here probably.  It gives you a real false sense of accomplishment to read it in one sitting because it’s 600 pages but it’s a graphic novel so not all the pages have words and stuff. 

It was ridiculously hot out today.  It wasn’t quite as hot as the record breaking heatwave last year, but it was pure insanity.  Just a warm time.  Hello.

Live Free or Die Hard (2007)

This movie was pretty bad but I liked it anyway.

It’s the end of the day and so I’m going to read my horoscope and the retroactively fit what I did today into the context of what the astrologer said I was going to do today.  from Tarot.com

Aquarius Horoscope for Friday, June 22nd:  You can be a champion of detachment, enabling you to live in the present moment or in the future. Now, however, you may uncharacteristically hold on to the past. Don’t be resistant to revisiting your history in order to process unresolved feelings. Even if this trip down memory lane takes a few days or a few weeks, clearing the air will allow you to return unencumbered to be swept into the exciting whirlwind of what’s to come.

I got transferred to a new Stater Bros. this week, but I had to go to my old store today to pick up my check.  That was easier than I thought!  Let’s do yesterday!

If you have compromised your integrity in a relationship, it’s a great day to dig in your heels and make a fresh approach at setting things right. This isn’t about delivering an ultimatum. Instead, try opening the door to an impassioned discussion that can lead toward a better understanding of each other. Persistence will pay off, enabling you to work through an unresolved issue.

Well, it’d been a long time since I had played any Final Fantasy XII, compromising my relationship to the game.  But yesterday was my day off so I put in about three hours.  I leveled up and saved up gil, and my persistence paid off when I got to upgrade everyone’s armor and weapons.  This is so correct that it is scary.  Retroactive astrology is amazing.

Hilarious video of a baby eating a lemon.  Oh internet.

I work at noon tomorrow and I feel like I have to get up early.  It’s not like I can’t be awake by noon.  I usually am.  But, it’s getting more difficult to be up and about and ready for anything before, say, 2PM.  I can physically occupy space outside of my bedroom, but little else.  Etc.

I thought I would be asleep two hours ago.  Oh well.  I had stuff to do.  Here’s something I very rarely do.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (2007)

I did not finish watching this movie.  I may do that one day, but at the time I felt like “hey, this is my fucking house.  I don’t have to watch this shit if it’s going to be this terrible!”

Maybe it would have been better if I had seen it in a crowd with other people, but I doubt it.  I actually read an amazing review of this film on another website, and it really says it better than I could. 

It?s not often that I see a movie that leaves me with the desire to do actual bodily harm to the people who made it, but walking out of ATHFCMFFT I was filled with rage and hatred. Honestly, if George W Bush could prove that Saddam Hussein had funded this movie I would reverse my stance on the Iraq War and say that every single civilian casualty was justified.

The entire article is one of the best burns I’ve read in a movie review not written by Roger Ebert (the absolute best being either his review of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo or perhaps his world famous “I will one day be thin but Vincent Gallo will always be the director of ‘The Brown Bunny.”)

This movie is such shit that I will now talk about Roger Ebert instead of giving it any more of my time.  Roger Ebert is the greatest film critic ever and I hope he returns to full capacity as soon as possible because he consistently writes interesting articles about movies oh yes oh yes.  Well that was great.

I keep hitting my touch pad accidentally.  It messes my shit up.

Going back to old theme for now.

I have decided to give Windows Live Writer a try.  It’s a gay blogging program.  It figured out all my settings right away and it should presumably be able to do interesting and fun things like inserting this map and offline editing.  If I ever leave my house or the power goes out (more likely) I can still blog and then sync when I get home or order is restored. 

I don’t know what “insert tag” does, but I guess that when you click that link it will automatically search Flickr for “pretty.”  Great.  I can hit F11 to preview my post in the program.  This is like Christmas.  I can also post to any number of gay blogs from this one program.  I am obviously a kind of internet genius.

I’m done playing with this for now.

It was just all we had in the house at the time. I like Arrowhead is the grossest of bottled waters. I will take just about any brand before Arrowhead.

I don’t know what I think of this template. I’ll probably go back to the old one or else have to heavily edit this one to get rid of some of the gay features like “Recommend”

I just saw the pilot to John From Cincinnati and it was fucking good. I can see why certain parties believed it was terrible, but I was ridiculously happy with it.

I’ve been working at a new Deli. I got transferred to a store about two blocks away, and a girl from that store got transferred to my store. Where I grew up, we called that “swappin’.” I guess this other girl just sucks? But they didn’t tell her that that was why they were trading her out. I don’t even know the utility of it. It’s not like baseball trading, where they’d trade one of me for the lazy deli chick and the box boy with the unibrow. It’s just a straight trade. Good for crappy. Now I have the difficult task of whipping these bitches into shape!

Also, I have to fight the perception that working in the service deli makes me gay. I mostly got rid of that at the old store, but short of actually fucking a woman on the counter and then beating the shit out of like two meat clerks and a night stocker, I don’t know what I can do here. They just think it’s gay to cut meat and make sandwiches. Fucking bros.

Sun’s up. G’nite.

Every time a new Michael Moore movie comes out, I’m reminded about how much people hate fat guys.

I don’t understand how people could take this guy seriously about health care. You’d think for all his documentary’s he’d be running around doing stuff, maybe burning some calories. I don’t care how important he thinks he is, I’ll still call him a fatty. What’s he going to do, run after me? 

I mean, really there’s a lot of hate.  I wonder if people see me in the street and just go “oh that fucking son of a bitch, who does he think he is walking around like that.”  Or, when I shut some douche down in an argument in class, does he think “keep flappin’ them gums, tubby.  at least some part of your fat ass is getting exercise.”  Probably.

I just wrote a post and it got deleted. Thanks. I had a really good sentence in it and I don’t think I’ll be able to duplicate it. Oh well. It’s gone. It’s 5am.

Less Than Zero (1987)

This movie sucked, and here’s why. Everything about the adaptation process here was so clearly done out of concession of vision. I like Robert Downey Jr. but he just ruined this. I can only assume that some producer wanted to put up the money to make the picture, but only if there was a “name” attached to it. Downey was coming off SNL and a brat pack movie so he was a good choice to play the burnout character Julian, but because he was a name they had to expand his role and also simplify the morality of the book into something that is in the same universe as the young adult audience to whom this was marketed. I know all about the movie industry because I watch Entourage.

Honestly, Less Than Zero is probably as unfilmable as Catcher in the Rye. Imagine a Catcher adaptation in which Holden goes on a lonely walk through the city, meets a girl and falls madly in love when she teaches him the meaning of friendship in the museum he went on a field trip in as a kid, then he finds out she has a boyfriend who is mean to her and she confides in him that she is falling so fast and so far and he promises to “catch” her and they end up together but it’s bittersweet because his family is moving away but they promise to stay in touch. That is how accurate to the feel of the book this movie is. It’s not like I want a word-for-word adaptation. I just want this movie to not exist. It’s not like I can un-watch it, you know? I have to live with the fact that I’ve seen this movie. I have to live with the memories.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MyxcZTsdRw

This is a cute student film with bad acting and poor pronunciation. It’s a scene from early in the book but it is much more authentic to how these characters actually are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiSCFwG6oIY

Here is the trailer for the actual movie. I just watched it and there was something interesting in the narration. “Sometimes you can have anything you want except the way things used to be.” The book I think conveys the tragedy of the fact that these kids (18 year olds) even have to feel this way. That there is a world in which kids so young have to feel like there was something in the past that was better and that is now unattainable. Something 18 months in the past. I don’t know fuck it it’s almost 6 and the sun is out.

I have come to the conclusion that writing is important and so I will write.  This leads me down several interesting lines of thought, because it’s prettymuch impossible to write if you don’t read, so I have decided that, as a consequence of writing being important, reading is also important.  So I went to Barnes and Noble and got swindled in the way that I used to swindle others.  I picked up four books after trying to pick out two.

• The Walking Dead vol. 6: This Sorrowful Life - I still haven’t read volume 5 yet because it’s been so long since I read volume 4 that I have completely forgotten who’s dead and who’s alive, who’s still friends, who’s cheating on whom, and basically everything about this brilliant (if soapy) series.  I have my friend Kyle hooked on it though, so at least someone’s reading them.
• Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson - Internet favorite about a pizza delivering samurai in the future?  Something like that.
• I Am Legend by Richard Matheson - Saw the teaser trailer so I thought I’d pick up the book so I can bitch about the adaptation with all the other cool kids once it comes out.  Will Smith can’t stop being in classic sci-fi adaptations that make the internet hate him.
• Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis - Also a writer recommended by the internet.  I guess that’s where I get all my books.  I’m mostly done with it and just took a break to shower and write this post.  I think I can count on being depressed for a couple weeks at this point.  I do wish that I had purchased Ellis’ other books instead of the three other books on this list.  Not that I’m not looking forward to reading them.  I just need to read his other stuff right now, though.  Right the fuck now.

Things have been pretty quiet other than that.  I’ve been involved with Final Fantasy XII and Battlestar Galactica, so that’s pretty nerdy of me.  I just now have been sold on The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall.

I think I’m acting like this because I’ve had the past three days off of work.  Once I go back to work I’ll be loafing around and posting on the internet like another fucking sheep.  So maybe I’ll just kill myself.  Maybe I should get out of the house.  Nah fuck it.  I like typing so I will continue to fight.

I’ve been to 2008.  I know where it is, and I’m going to take us there.